Couldn’t end fast enough

Thank god second semester is over. Waking up every morning to the sound of construction outside my bedroom window was steadily taking its toll, let me tell you. And I am so relieved that I will never have to jump down from a bunk-bed ever again. It’s funny- but spring was over in an instant. It seems like yesterday that I was flying back to Duke after Christmas vacation. God damn, I wish I had known how much work was in store for me.

I’m worried that I made myself as sick as I did. The last week at Duke I developed severe abdominal pain and a wracking headache. On top of everything I started my period during exam week and life went to shit. The night before my final exam I woke up at 3am unable to sleep and sat by the toilet for fear of vomiting in my bed in the hotel. I became congested and lost my appetite. I honestly wondered if I had picked up a virus or had food poisoning. But the day after my exam I was almost completely symptom free. Congrats me, I can successfully make myself ill from stress.

Mum and I drove North a few days ago. We managed to stop at all the same rest stations as we have the previous two drives, even a particularly memorable one in Maryland. Last year she left some poor girl inside holding an ice cream cone while she ran to get her wallet from the truck- only to not come back! Great drive though, 12 hours, no problem. Blasted some tunes.

Trying to get the juices flowing.

and again

Sick again. Ripping headache that sent slivers of pain from my forehead down my spine. It was just like last year: me, prostrate on the couch, shivering under the fury of another feverish night. I’m worried. I never used to get headaches like this. Sure I’ve been sick, but never enough to strip me down and leave me gasping. It’s been a rough few days, the highlight of which has almost certainly been sticking a hairdryer down my sweatshirt to stop myself from shaking.

on the mend-hopefully

I’m feeling much, much better. Unfortunately, I still have this nagging fatigue that just won’t go away. I also have the slight problem of not knowing which computer store I dropped my hard drive off at sometime last week. See, this is what happened: My 500G Buffalo hard drive fell from the mantle piece above the fire place where it was plugged into my Xbox360 (I had been using it to play movies). The plastic case cracked open, exposing the innards. I knew at once that it was instant death. Naturally, I tried plugging it in, moving pieces around, using diffferent cords. No luck- no computer seemed to recognize it. A friend also had a 500G external so he brought his over and we tried to use his non-bent ports to connect my hard drive to my computer. Still no luck. So I called up a few data retreival companies that I found through the Western Digital site hoping to find something semi-affordable (i.e. not $2500…are you kidding me?). I end up taking it to a little dumpy store in my local town instead.

<Note: in my defense, I was still quite sick at this point, and had no voice what-so-ever. Go easy on me.>

My friend and I walk into this computer place. No wait, first of all, the shop is right next to a bakery factory…and a skating rink. We walk through the doorway and there is a man working on a computer with his back to us. We scuffle our feet, I cough, finally, he turns around and makes a huge, unnecessary deal about not knowing we were there (we had only been waiting for about 30 seconds). I begin to explain my problem (sounding like a pubescent boy, no doubt) and suddenly I am aware of someone new behind me trying to push past. Turning around I see a smiling woman with a bowl of water gesturing towards the flip-up counter. She shimmies between my friend and I and scoots under the opening, placing the water on the floor…for their…DOG?!?! She brushes her hands off, retreives a pen from her pocket and asks for my name. Needless to say, I forgot to even ask how much it was expected to cost. I blame the enormous slobbering mass that parked itself happily in my line of sight. Err…and I also forgot to get the name of the computer repair store. Good thing I live where I do. Anyplace else and it would be bye-bye dead hard drive! I’m just hoping the dog didn’t eat it.

end

All I want is this to be over. I can’t take it. I spent 10 hours yesterday lying on the bathroom floor with my head under the toilet. I could keep nothing down, so I ate nothing. When I wasn’t feeling nauseous, I was gloriously able to appreciate a full range of fever related pains, including what I’ve come to refer to as “sandpaper” tongue. My lips became chapped and scaly. Nothing relieved me. How is it that I am still feverish? HOW? It’s been nearly 4 weeks. The worst is the throat; I cannot swallow. But I have to, unless I want to end up back in the hospital with an IV in my arm for dehydration. Twice today I’ve been brought to tears, the first while on the phone with my father, and the second lying in bed as the sun went down on yet another day. I’m so worried that my throat is going to close up and I won’t be able to breathe at all. I don’t know whether I should sit up or not because whenever I lay down, mucus collects in the back of my throat and I’m forced to suffer to push the gunk back down. Blow my nose? No success there either, nothing comes out. And I haven’t been putting my contacts in, so everything is blurry and confusing. I feel like dying.

My grandfather has been staying with us for the past few weeks and it’s such a shame because I’ve barely seen him. He’s starting to get worried about me too, which says something because he’s the hard-nosed type who rarely admits to there being a problem. And then there’s college, which is looming like a thunderhead over everything. I’m supposed to be arriving in a week, and I honestly cannot see that happening. But what am I supposed to do? Toughing this sort of an illness out while starting a whole new year — I can’t imagine it. What if my fevers continue to spike? I’m waking up 8+ times a night to fill up my drink, pee, shower, or just get out of the sweat-soaked bed sheets. Bet my roommate would love that. And now I have a deep-set pain in my neck, at the base of my skull.

One upside of all this: my parents are actually talking. Both of them are calling each other, instead of one complaining that they never communicate. The other change is in my dad specifically. Normally, he tries to insert an “I love you” at the end of all his phone calls with me. But recently, he says it 3 maybe 4 times, almost fervently, as if he desperately needs to get it out. It’s made me cry every time  he’s done it. It’s really great that an illness like this is what it takes to bring my family together.

mono- a true blast!

I’m not suffering from eye pain anymore. Gloria. However, I am now unable to speak, breath, swallow, drink, chew, yawn, hear, or clear my ears. Most of that is due to a sore, inflamed throat like no other. And I just feel sick. Like a whole body weakness that makes sitting up a strain. I don’t know when this is going to end, but I can’t possibly conceive of doing school work. I have 1 week to get better- oh, and pack for college…and fill out forms…and double check classes…and…and…

Some things I have found that help me:

• Chloraseptic throat sprays…but only for about 20 minutes
• Jello, soup, ice cream, and yogurt
• Gargling salt dissolved in hot water

I’ve taken so much medicine at this point, I have no idea which one works the best.

Oops- can’t have a post without a sarcastic comment! The best part about all this is that the doctors keep stressing that I cannot play any contact sports, especially American football. DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE I WAS PLANNING ON IT, RETARDS? Me?? Well shit, way to burst my bubble (and my spleen). Guess I won’t be filling my Offensive Tackle spot back at Duke.  Bummer.